Some people talk of having had a changed life at their conversion ... that they felt automatically filled with the Holy Spirit ... that they felt a lightness & freedom. I never had that experience. Life went on as per usual, and nothing really changed. I never felt *different*.
Why am I different in this, though? Why no "sha-bang!" conversion experience? Sure, I had my "rebirth" experience: I lived 12 years of my life under the label of "Christian" without really knowing what it meant to be one. It wasn't until I stumbled, and God saved me, that I truly understood.
Sometimes, in my head, I believe that I can be a better Christian if I just try harder. Other times I know, in my heart, that I don't have to try. I just have to be willing to let go ... to hand over the keys and let God drive. So, if I know the truth, why don't I do it? Why do I stubbornly try to hang onto control, when I know it's impossible to do so?
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